Wednesday

spent 100 bucks on new sheets, a comforter, some workout pants and a some wine glasses last night. all domesticated and shit. hehe. Got a date thurs with this chick from mojo, we'll see how it goes. she looks pretty decent from what i've seen. I ate a good breakfast this morning, fuck that crazy diet, that shit fucked me up proper. I probably should've eased into it instead of going full bore. I think I'll try again later on down the road. I havent been drinking much at all lately and it feels pretty good. My diet is so so. but i've been eating like a maniac because of last week i suppose. But i havent been eating any fast food and i try not to eat that processed bullshit, but i had a pizza last night for dinner. Fuck it, i'm sick of worrying about stupid shit like that. Burn more than you eat mike and you'll be tits.

Dead man walking

yesterday was pretty rough, i felt like total shit, just like the walking dead. Every day is the same, get up, work, come home, eat, rinse, wash, repeat.
Went to the gym yesterday and couldnt look at myself in the mirror, just fucking sucked. I getting new workout clothes tonight, fuck this shit. I'm so sick of feelling like shit, but it seems that the old stuff is not making me feel any better. skating, working out, etc.
I feel pretty good today, i feel like eating food is comforting and i dont like the thought. That's how most people end up fat. and i dont want to end up like my aunt.

just passing the time...

New week

I didnt go out any this weekend and it felt fucking fantastic. I read Choke by chuck palahniuk. Good stuff, I'll probably finish it tonight. I'm back on the protein diet thing, but i'm adding 1 meal a day instead of a week. Shit is alittle to hectic. I had a breakdown sat while i was out drviing around. Super weak and dizzy and all that. I had a prime rib from Roadhouse fri. night. So Fucking Good.
I'm feeling pretty good I guess, skating definately helped, i snapped the nose of my board on a stupid fs 180 yesterday, but it feels so fucking good to break a board because it's the feeling that you're dug in, hanging on to the trick, so i dont mind if i snap them.
Motorcycle hunt continues, i would like a old triumph if i could find one for the cheap, i may email that guy from mojo and see if i can get that bonneville for around 1500. I feel like i'm just riding along trhough life right now, but i'm not stressing it. I'm tired of introspection.

Day 4

I feel like shit today, just spacey, completely out of it. maybe because of the beer i drank last night, who knows. I ate a moe's burrito a little while ago so hopefully all the carbs will make me feel better. but right now i feel shity.

Day 3

I ate a chicken breast and some cheeze dip last night, I guess that's cheating but whatever, I'm not smoking or drinking and I feel pretty fucking good right now actually. My eyes seem a little blurry but i think it's the sun coming in through the window.

It's pretty trippy, but I seem bored/restless now that I'm not eating or thinking about eating. it's fucked how much time I spend eating and thinking about food. My energy levels are still pretty good though, we'll see how things work when I go skate. I'm so sick of the fucking cold weather, I cant wait til it warms up, fuck a bunch of winter.

Cheers Mate.!

Day 2

Well it's day 2 of my velocity diet and I feel pretty good. I will see this thing through, but I do find myself getting bored. I need something to keep my mind busy.
Worked out last night and was really tired, I think I went a little too hard.

Here we go!

Today is the first day of the Velocity diet. 28 days total. I'm going to see this one through, it's gonna kick start my fitness workout plans. I'm pretty stoked about it right now, I'm sure it'll be hard at times, I may have to become a social leper for a while, but whatevers.

5'11"
240lbs
28% bf (guess)

Time to sleep with the fishes old mike. It's been nice knowing you, but fuck off, you've brought me only saddness. Good Riddance.

well

ate like a fucking beast yesterday and slept most of the day, but today I feel that my body is back in shape as far as sleep and food goes. Coke is not good for ya kids. It's fun for a minute, but becomes a chore after a while so I'm done for a while. Quit smoking to. I dont crave them either, i honestly think i smoke out of nervousness.
Going ultra low carb today, been reading this diet on Tnation, it's pretty fucking rediculous, but I'm gonna do a modified version to kickstart my weightloss. I'm so fucking scared I'm gonna end up like my aunt and uncle and if i dont change my ways I will. Staying home and eating all day, sitting on the couch. Fuck that.

Stop it

Stop hating yourself.

abyss

Crazy weekend. We hit a couple bars on st. paddys day and I had to work sat and today. It didnt really matter though, because I got 2 grams of coke and basically stayed up until last night when I ran out, I finished off a 12er of Miller to help me sleep. And I've basically slept all day today.

"A body in motion stays in motion, a body at rest stays at rest"
That phrase keeps running through my head as I think about the man I've become. Since I've begun to question if there is a god it seems my life is gone to the shitter. Is that because god is mad at me? or am I responsible and sabotaging myself?
I'm not in good shape at all, the canoe trip is coming up and I am about 50lbs overweight, but there'll be alot of fat dudes there so it's not too bad but that's not the point.
I used to be able to get myself motivated to get in the gym but it's gotten really hard.
It seems I like to beat myself up about things I should/shouldnt be doing. I'm off work tomorrow and I have to work tonight so tomorrow I will get back on my clean eating. promise.

depressed

so fucking miserable. It seems I've been this way my whole life. Always doing shit I really dont want to do. But what do I really want to do? I hate this.

motivation

I have none. I know I want to get this weight off but i dont want to do shit about it, in fact, i want to go the other way. Eat shitty food, drink and do drugs. Andy said it was the weather and maybe it is. I sure hope so, I used to be able to motivate myself to get my ass in gear, but it's hard this time, i'm thinking about doing these crazy diets, fuck it, maybe hopefully one of them will work.

Geeked

This weekend was pretty fucked. Got some hard stuff friday and it screwed me up all weekend. I'm too old for that shit now, it's lost its fun, but in a way is it alittle fun. I wonder why when people arent around I feel like i can be who I want. Why cant I be honest with myself and others and just be the guy I am?
This friday is St. Paddys day and thats the end of the cigs. Starting my workout routine today as well. I feel so bad in the morning, face all swoll up, ditzy and just basically unresponsive.
Cash flow is looking a little better, I may be starting to get over the hump if I can just focus and not blow a shitload of money. I can do it, I must so i can get a house.

laters

...

Worked out last night it felt really good. Went to Petrus last night and was kinda over it, I'm pretty much sick of going to that place. Steph was there and drunk, I'd like to fuck her but dont really feel like dealing with the bullshit afterwards. Still smoking, but I'm quitting on St. Paddys day for good this time. Might get some party favors this weekend just because. fuck it, you only live once.

I'm gonna do carido tonight, i had that shit but it's gotta be done I gotta get this weight down before the canoe trip.

holler.

Good n Evil

I said yesterday was my last pack, but I stopped and bought another last night.
When out with Jessica last night and FINALLY got laid. It was pretty good, she said she wasnt expecting to get any so I let the winter bush slide. I totally two pump chumped her, hah it sucked, but honestly I dont care, it happens to the best of us, as long as I dont make a habit out of it.

The smoking thing is definately killing my motivation. This IS that last pack, I just gotta watch out of the cravings, they only last a minute or two, it's totally impulsive. I've gotta start taking a shower in the morning and maybe even buy a coffee maker, I'm sick of coming to work sop faced.

I feel very unhealthy. I worked out last night after work and it felt great, but I've gotta get on the cardio tip. Two a days, might be a little strong, but I gotta make a run at it.

Main goals

1. Lose 60 pounds
2. Become more flexible
3. Increase endurance

Here we go.

I'm up 40lbs since moving to Louisville, I've been here 2yrs, which means 20lbs a year. Unacceptable.

I'm writing this to remind me how I felt/function at the time so I can look back for motivation.
I cant bend over and tie my shoes without feeling winded and out of breath.
Walking up the stairs at work and I have to wait until I catch my breath before entering.
Skating has been sucking lately, I've had no motivation, I'm sure it's probably some depression, I'm not feeling it and it's showing everywhere pretty much, I havent gotten laid in almost 2 months and I'm sure it's because a) overweight b) confidence has been sucking.
Skin and hair both look shitty and I'm always tired, cant really focus on anything for that matter either.

I'll add more later. I've known what I need to do to make the changes I want to make, but just havent gotten off my dead ass and done anything about it.
I will make this one work, there's no excuse not too.

No excuse not too!

Rules & Guidelines

1. No more binge drinking.
2. No more casual smoking.
3. Zero fast food.
4. Breakfast every morning
5. 5-6 meals a day
6. At least 1 workout 6 days a week.
8. 1 Gallon of water per day.
9.
10.

1st

test post